Stand Up and Eat!: February 2014

It's easy to eat like crap when you are on the road. Time and money constraints make .99 cent menus and 2 for $1.99 gas station hot dogs alluring, if not gastronomically disastrous, choices. Look inside almost any road comic's vehicle and, depending on the length of the tour, you are likely to find crunched up fast food containers, empty chip bags, Slim Jim / candy wrappers and other flotsam and jetsam of junk food detritus. Even the most powerful truck stop vacuum can't remove every errant french fry. Sort of a rolling obesity and diabetes display.

And that's just the passenger side...

Sometimes, though, you are lucky enough to travel with a veteran road dog who has figured out a system to not only cut costs, but to avoid the fat and salt traps that line the Interstates. Early in my career, I spent a good deal of time as the opening act for Caroline Picard, aka "The Cajun Queen."

She's either happy with the set or choking me for voting for Obama.

We spent hours...days... in a car together, usually shouting over each other about some political nonsense (she being a fairly right leaning Republican and I the more Left than Center Progressive), talking about the gig, or, most likely, discussing what and where we were going to eat. We rolled across country in her little pick up truck. In the back was always an ice chest, a small grill and her cooking kit. The cooking kit was genius. It contained almost everything you'd need to whip up a meal on the fly. Included was a hot plate, knives, utensils, an assortment of spices, sauces and dishes. Since we both have South Louisiana roots, you can be certain there was a good amount of spice. She even made sure it had a corkscrew and a wine glass or two. On off nights, we'd usually hit a grocery store and stock up for a few days. Then that evening, we'd crack a few beers, light the grill and whip up a good meal. Leftovers went in Zip lock bags and into the cooler for later. We left many a Days Inn and America's Best Value smelling like a combination Cajun/Mexican/BBQ restaurant.
It was from traveling with her that I began to emulate the rolling kitchen concept. I made my own cooking kit and still travel with it. Always keep a stocked ice chest in the back seat or trunk. Cut fruit and veggies replace chips and candy bars. Not only is this approach healthier, but actually way cheaper in the long run.
Sometimes, though, you have to splurge. To stave off monotony. I remember one run in particular, traveling through Alabama, Arkansas and Tennessee. It started off as a quick stop at a road side BBQ place near Huntsville AL and quickly became the theme of the tour. The Great BBQ run of 2008. One of my last tours as an opener and probably one of the most fun I've had. If there was a jolly pig decked out in chef's wear on a roof or side of a building, we probably ate there. I'm surprised we didn't exhale wood smoke from the stage, considering the amount of pulled pork, ribs and brisket we consumed. From sandwiches served through the screen door of an RV to one of the best Memphis joints I've ever been to, we tried it. To this day, we will still call each other from the road to share cool spots to stop for 'que. And we still try and find time to meet up for a few frosty beverages and some grilling, of both the food and verbal variety! Keep an eye out here for a link to an upcoming Stand Up and Eat Show webcast where I sit down with Caroline and we discuss this and more! For now, though, check out a clip of the Queen in action...Oh..and fair warning...if you are at work or near children, you might want to use headphones. There's some NSFW language and she doesn't give a damn what you think about that!

And click here for some pics from that tour:

Great BBQ Run 2008 Photo Album

Now..it wouldn't be a SU&E post without at least one recipe, now would it. In keeping with the theme, I'm going to share with you a recipe for my Chipotle-Coffee BBQ Sauce.

A Bowl of Yum.

Looks intimidating, but it's not...

Chipotle-Coffee BBQ Sauce

Wet stuff and veggies:

1 small onion, diced fine

2 cloves garlic, minced

3/4 cup ketchup

1 cup strong brewed coffee*

3 chipotle in adobo, minced with 1 tbsp of the sauce

1/4 cup apple cider vinegar

2 tbsp (approx) fresh squeezed orange juice

1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce

1/4 cup packed dark brown sugar

Spice Blend:

1 tsp kosher salt (more if you prefer...I like mine a bit less salty)

2 tsp cracked black pepper

2 tsp mustard powder

2 tsp smoked paprika

1 tbsp good quality chili powder**

dash each of allspice and nutmeg - careful with these!

Make the spice blend and set aside. Sautee the onions in a 50/50 blend of oil and fat. I like to use bacon fat and canola oil. Lard works well too. Cook onions until they start to get soft, then add the garlic and chipotles. Sweat for a couple minutes (the stuff in the pan...not you silly!), then stir in the spice blend to heat through. After a minute or so, add the rest of the liquid ingredients until they begin to simmer, then add the brown sugar and stir to incorporate. Cook on a low heat, stirring regularly so as not to scorch the sugars. Cook for about 20 minutes like that, then let cool and place in a container of your choosing. Should keep well in the refrigerator for at least 3 weeks. This is great on beef, pork and flavorful sausages. Hell...it's good on almost anything.

*A killer variation is to use 1/2 coffee and 1/2 stout beer. Or just the stout. Or just drink the beer while making this.

** If you can't find a good quality store bought blend, I hit the Latin market or aisle and grab a couple packs of ground chilies (usually Molido, Ancho, New Mexico, etc..) and make a mixture of 1 tsp ground cumin, 1 tsp ground coriander and 3 tsp mixed ground chiles.

Now! Go Eat, Drink and be Funny!

First, you make a roux...

We make certain choices in life, in which we try to dictate what direction our paths will lead us. Some are made out of necessity. Some are made out of desire. But many more are made on the fly, in the mad-dash improvisational game we call "living." These are the choices that we barely notice. They add up in the periphery of our perception as we blunder along forward in time like sand shifting along our paths, changing the direction behind and fore until where we started and where we end up are barely recognizable. It's the nature of age and change that we either learn to accept, adjust and move forward, or we become intransigent, resist and stagnate.

So you are probably thinking "What the hell, Bill?! What's with all this philosophical gobbledy gook and what does that have to do with Stand Up and Eat?!"

Good question.

When I started college, I was going to be a great Psychologist. My heroes were Freud, Jung, Adler and Bugs Bunny. I graduated college with a degree in Film, my heroes at the time being Scorsese, Lynch, Spielberg and Bugs Bunny. Over the next decade and a half, I hopped from restaurant gig to bar gig, never losing my love for the workings of the human mind, the power of great cinema and the genius of a certain animated rabbit. Along the way, I learned all that I could about the food and beverage world, from almost every vantage point. Then in 1994, I took a stand up comedy class. A couple years later, I'm on the road, driving around the country in a series of beat up cars, carrying on the tradition of my heroes, Carlin, Hicks, Pryor and Bugs, The meandering path. My life. A far cry from the paved highway into the future I had envisioned at 18. Even now, in my 40's, with a decade of choices behind me, I still see the path, but I realize that it is a serpentine and shifting road. "Stand Up and Eat" is another choice. I am excited to see where this will lead.

The goal is to highlight those things in life which bring me, and hopefully you, joy. Good food. Funny people. Exciting locations and shared drinks. To share the good things in life. The things that make us smile.

And now we will, quite literally, make a roux.

A roux is traditionally a thickening agent, made from equal parts fat to flour. I find it is best to use an All Purpose Unbleached flour. That's not set in stone, but it seems to create the most consistent end product, in my opinion. As for the oil, or fat, you need something with a high heat point. Butter and olive oil will scorch and leave an unpleasant flavor. Vegetable oil, lard, shortening and bacon fat are all good choices. I like to use equal parts bacon fat to vegetable oil. Because...well...bacon. Nuff said. The cookware is important as well. I find that a heavy bottomed pan or a good cast iron skillet work best. You need to be able to control the heat so as to not scorch the flour. Once that happens, the roux is ruined. An even medium to medium high temperature and constant stirring are important. If black flecks appear, or you smell a burnt scent, toss the lot and start over. Nothing ruins a good gumbo more than a shitty roux.

How long does it take to cook the proper roux? Depends. Some people like a peanut butter shade, which is less nutty and lends itself better to lighter preparations, such as Gumbo Z'herbs or a light seafood style stew. I like my roux like I like my coffee, music and soul. Dark. This will take a while and your arm will probably cramp up and back hurt from bending over a hot stove, but it is totally worth it for the rich, nutty flavor of a good dark roux. How long? I say about a six pack. In other words, time isn't as important as watching and eyeing the final product. Below are pictures of a roux I made in different stages of cooking. The best way to get good at it is just like anything else...practice. Now get to stirring!

You'll need:

1 1/2 cup oil (Veg, lard, fat...you read above, right?)

1 1/2 (plus a couple extra tablespoons) All Purpose Flour

6 12 oz beers

Open a beer and begin drinking. Heat oil in heavy bottom pan until warm but not smoking. Slowly stir in flour until it is all incorporated and makes a smooth, thick paste. Start on another beer. On medium high heat, continue to stir until roux has reached desired color, interspersing beer drinking throughout. When roux is done, remove from heat, allow to cool and put in a jar, or use immediately in whatever recipe you are still sober enough to cook. Watch getting hot roux on exposed fleshy parts. That shit is Cajun napalm.